The Story of Kriplespac
by Wagic
Summary: This fic is here to tell you a little bit about Von Kriplespac's past, more specifically his past love life which also was a big reason to his hatred of squirrels but yeah read the story to find out the rest ps. I have altered the original CBFD storyline a bit (I had just watched 'Lolita' before writing this so it played a big influence in this story) enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

The story of Conker The Squirrel is well known & many of the other characters stories have also been clear but, there is one character who you may of been curious about, his name is Von Kriplespac. Now there are many questions you could ask about him he is a curious fella, but of course also an evil one, well mostly evil against squirrels, why you ask? Well there might not be a reason at all, sometimes people just hate things for no reason, BUT in this case of course there is a reason, and I intend to tell you it, but this is also a story of love, love (& you may not of expected it to) played a big role in Krip's life so let's start the story of his life at the age where he found his first love.

He was 13 at the time & the girl who stole his heart was 14, her name was Serana The Squirrel. Yes she was a squirrel, Von always had a thing for squirrels...& he still does! Serana had been the best thing that happened to him in his life at that point, they were incredibly in love they always spent time together and talked of what the future could hold. But one day there was a tragedy, of course, Serana had been abducted & murdered by a cereal killer who was of course a squirrel. Von was devastated & felt like he couldn't live & than 2 weeks later his parents were murdered by (coincidently) squirrels again, which had left him an orphan.

Through the years he planned his revenge of course & he found that he was highly intelligent & good at inventing things so he used it to his advantage & by age 41 his evil war to exterminate the squirrels was already in place, but this part of course you already know. But there was something left out of this part of the story, or more like someone. The person who I am referring to is the one person Kriplespac ever was crazy about besides Serana, but this person also destroyed him inside & than left him for dead.

Kriplespac was on top of the world, he was destroying these squirrels like they were nothing, which they were compared to his heavily armed tediz that he had created. He was defiantly winning this war he could feel it & he loved it, he felt like he was born to do this. There he stood watching, admiring rather, the flames & explosions filling the sky. Now & than one of his soldiers would approach him & give him certain updates on how well their side were managing, he would nod & salute the soldier off than continue to admire. Von's battle plan was a risky but dominating one, he planned to break through all the SHC's forces than start invading a small town that laid beyond the battlefield, obviously filled with families of squirrels that would soon be taking prisoner. He would join his tediz in this mission & show the squirrels that he had power over them all, & that would of very well happened if not for a certain emotion that krip would feel that very day.

A huge explosion was heard by everyone in town, they knew what it meant...that the tediz had broken through their reliable sources. A huge feeling of panic filled the streets & everyone & everything was collapsing in fear. Sadie The Squirrel watched everything that was going on from her window, she didn't quite understand what was taking place, well she knew there was a war happening & that some weirdo by the name of von kriple-whatever was behind it, thats what she heard her parents rambling about, & now she heard them crying & shouting & scampering about down stairs, which she knew wasn't a good sign. She came skipping down the stairs lively

"What the hell are you guys so loud for?" She asked twirling about, practicing her dance recital for class.

"Sadie cut out this nonsense & start packing we have to leave" her mother said gesturing towards her dancing.

"Don't be so needy mother" Sadie said continuing to disobey, she had a mischievous grin on her face, her mother grabbed her hand forcing Sadie to look at her

"Listen to me! Something serious is going on if you don't start packing than you will get a beating now start!" Sadie looked at her mother a bit startled than did what she said. But by this time it was too late, Kriplespac's tediz were taking over the town very rapidly, & krip's first destination to raid was of course the house Sadie & her family were desperately trying to exit from, it was the closest to the base where the SHC used to hold up. Von kicked the door down instantly, startling the family inside, he entered & looked at the two pathetic squirrels sitting there huddling together

"Vell vell vell look vhat ve have here, helpless little squirrels for me to take prisoner" just as he had spoke those words the father squirrel bravely pulled out a shotgun from behind his back but just as he did he was shot to death by the two tediz accompanying Kriplespac, the mother screamed & cried & von gestured for her to be shot as well. Than there was a silence that fell over the room, but Von knew there had to be a third one he gestured for the tediz to search for another in case he was right...which he was.

Sadie was in the tight space of the upstairs closet, now frozen in fear, a couple of seconds ago she was just playing with her nails wondering why her mother had placed her in this ridiculously small closet, but now after hearing gun shots she was beginning to worry. Than she heard footsteps coming towards the closet, she closed her eyes as the door opened than felt her platted black hair being yanked she opened her eyes to see the horrifying sight of a mangled bear with a machine gun pointed right at her saying a bunch of gibberish she couldn't understand. Kriplespac heard his soldier calling out from upstairs, he marched upstairs to see what his tediz had found. When he reached the top his grin faded & he stopped dead in his tracks, the squirrel his tediz were holding looked like...his beloved Serana & he believed that it was for a second but than brought himself back to reality & realized it wasn't Serana, not at all...she did have the same black hair & grey fur & bright purple eyes but still the resemblance was different in a way & she looked to be a bit older, either 15 or 16, he couldn't stop looking at her & her beauty. He took a moment, "uhh...gentlemen...vell done vell done...methinks I vill take it from here..ja let's continue this invasion tomorrow perhaps.." He eyed Sadie out the whole time he spoke & she looked right back at him, the tediz seemed a bit confused but saluted & left anyway leaving Krip & Sadie.

Sadie watched the strange bear like creatures run down stairs, than she looked up at the tall weasel dressed in a very nice uniform looking down at her. There was a short silence but than Sadie opened her mouth to speak.

"Who are you & what have you done with my parents?" She needed answers she was so confused about what was happening. Kriplespac paused than decided to introduce himself. "I am ze tediz battle master Von Kriplespac...& who might you be?" He asked curiously, he was hypnotized by her beauty still.

"You still haven't told me what you did to my parents, where are they?!" She said angrily at him Von didn't like the tone she used.

"Vell your parents are fine zhey are being taken prisoner & you vill join zhem!, now come on!" He said grabbing her wrist, he lied to keep her under control for now since he wanted to talk to her more.

Kriplespac put her in his tank to drive her back to the tediz base

"Why aren't my parents riding in here?" She asked looking up at him. Krip thought for a second.."vell...your parents...I decided...are to be taken to another base for ze mean time...because of ze space...zhere is not enough room..ja...you know not enough space in ze...in ze-"

"Ok ok I get it just please stop rambling" she said looking annoyed, Von was surprised at the fact she could talk so rudely to him & not be killed instantly, well because he didn't want to kill her...not just yet anyway.

"You still haven't told me your name" he said looking at her eyes.

"It's Sadie" she said looking at him & grinning a bit, he smiled back as best as he could...Sadie, he thought, little Sadie The Squirrel.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

They arrived at the tediz base & got out of the tank, Kriplespac took Sadie's hand & led her into the base but he didn't take her to the prison cells that the other helpless squirrels were banished to, instead she was led to Von's personal office there to spend her days working for him. Krip got Sadie to occasionally scrub the floor & dust some of his furniture, just petty little jobs while he sat working on blueprints for different weapons occasionally glancing at her now & than. Sadie was bored out of her brain just following the same routine everyday & doing the same chores, she missed her parents dearly as well, one day while she was scrubbing the floor for the 600th time she decided it was time to talk to this Kriplespac guy about what the hell was going on. "So..it's been almost a week now & I still haven't seen my parents" she said while working, her voice startled Kriplespac who was on the verge of falling asleep. He sighed "soon soon..." Sadie rolled her eyes she was getting real sick & tired of all this, she stood up & walked over to where he was sitting at his desk & looked at the blueprints he had been drawing up. He folded them up before she got a real chance to look.. "Pfft your no fun, I just wanted to look at what keeps you entertained in this hell hole" he looked up at her

"It doesn't keep me entertained, it keeps me busy & thinking"

"Well maybe I wanna be busy & maybe I wanna think instead of doing this pointless & brainless work" she said staring him straight in the eye, she thought he was pretty cute, & that prussian accent of his was adorable as well but he was much older than her & she knew that he had been perving on her the moment he saw her which kind of creeped her out, but he seemed a nice enough guy besides the killing her whole species thing. She watched him as she was thinking all this, he looked like he was also in a deep thought, than he decided to speak. "Vell I think I see your point...but you only get to rest for today.." He unraveled the blueprints of what looked to be a massive cannon

"Whatever" she said leaning on the desk, she looked at the blueprint as closely as she could for a bit than decided to sit on Von's lap for a closer look, this made him blush & was driving him crazy, & Sadie knew it she moved around a bit while on his lap which also drove him insane his breathing was a little bit heavier, she smiled to herself & thought she would torture him a little longer she turned her head to look back at him

"So you think you could explain this complicated device to me?" He cleared his throat & than started to explain

"Zis..is..vell...I guess you could call it umm-"

"Your rambling again krip, spit it out" she said with a nasty grin, he cleared his throat again

"Oh Right right ok ok...I call zis my Giant Gun Of Doom" he said proudly

Sadie than erupted into an uncontrollable laughter

"Vhat!?" He yelled at her feeling un easy but she didn't answer she was still laughing incredibly hard & Kriplespac was getting more & more irritated. Sadie finally caught her breath & let out a big sigh "oh Krip you have no idea do you?" She said still giggling

"VHAT!?"

"The name!"

"Vhat's vrong vith ze name!?" Sadie kept laughing

"Ok ok Krip now listen carefully when I repeat it back to you...'giant'...'gun'...of doom..." Von just looked at her than realized that she was implying the sexual term of 'giant gun' & rolled his eyes

"Zhat is ze most immature vay to look at it"

"HA! Well what do you expect? I'm only 16 you creep!" She said standing up, she skipped back to the floor & looked back at him with another nasty grin before continuing to clean the floor, Von just sat there in silence for a bit before continuing on with his work as well.

After a few days of not speaking & the same routine all over again Kriplespac finally spoke

"I have decided to let you do some...different vurk.." Sadie looked up from sweeping his floor when he said this

"What is it?" She said tilting her head slightly

"It's not anyzing great you just get to leave zhis room for a bit zhen come back...you vill be bringing me my meals vhile i'm vurking so I don't have to spend even a second less on my vurk" Sadie sighed "I guess it's better than hanging around in this boring room anyway"

"Ja! You can start now, go" krip gestured to the door, Sadie opened to find two of the creepy ass bear soldiers standing there looking at her she guessed they were there to escort her to the kitchen & back incase she wanted to escape, which she did, but she wondered why he didn't just get one of these creepy tediz to just get his meals for him, but than she realized that she never did see any tediz going into his office & she didn't know why especially if she was in there, what was so special that she could be in his private personal office days in & days out & not his trusted soldiers?

She arrived at the kitchen to collect Von's food she could hear yelling coming from it all the way down the hall, she looked inside to see a dirty looking kitchen with food everywhere & she saw where the source of all the noise was coming from, two tediz dressed in chef uniforms were screaming at each other & fighting over how to cook what looked like a soup dish. Sadie slightly giggled at the sight, she than walked in the kitchen & saw Krip's meal straight away it was just a basic soup, but what she saw next to the soup gave Sadie a nasty idea, it was a bottle of hot sauce "how convenient" she whispered to herself, she just couldn't resist to pull a little prank on that crazy warlord.

Kriplespac heard a knock on his door & assumed it was Sadie back from fetching his lunch, sure enough it was. Sadie did a kind of prance in to the office & left the two tediz who escorted her outside slamming the door in their face. When the door slammed it made Krip jump Sadie just giggled at him

"Voila" she said placing the soup bowl in front of him she touched his shoulder with a sweet smile, he smiled back a bit than put down his work & picked up the spoon. Sadie sat in the chair in front of his desk & started to play with her nails watching him while she was. He took a sip & felt fine but than started feeling the effects of the hot sauce & started coughing & going red

"Vhat ze fuck!" He said while coughing uncontrollably Sadie was sitting back in the chair laughing

"Fuck, fuck oh shit vhat ze fuck did you do!?" Sadie kept laughing at him as he stood up & stormed out of the office, most likely to find some water.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Von had decided it was best to keep Sadie down in the cells from than on, he felt as though he would of murdered her any minute, she was driving him crazy with her back chatting, her pranks, her constant humming & whistling & the slight flirting she used on him which was distracting him greatly from putting the finishing touches on his blueprints of the giant gun of doom. Sadie was sweeping the floors as usual when Von told her this "later today my tediz vill be here to collect you & put you in a cell" Sadie couldn't believe he said that, she actually enjoyed spending a little time with him & now he was just going to dump her in a dirty cell like she was nothing? This angered her "why would you do that? I thought we were having fun...I thought you..liked me.." She looked at him batting her big eyelashes. This hurt krip for a second, but he pulled himself together "vell sure ve did have fun...for a vhile...but I need to focus on my vurk-"

"Work work work that's all you do! I try to have fun & play around with you but all you do is work! I try to ask you about my parents & when I will see them & you can't even give me a straight answer what is wrong with you!?" With that Sadie stormed out of the office & waited outside the door to be escorted to the cells. Kriplespac watched as she was led away.."farewell my lovely fräulein" he called out to her, she stopped dead in her tracks he may of annoyed her but damn he was cute & smooth with his words, she knew she needed to give him a proper goodbye, she smiled to herself & looked back at him than ran towards his office as fast as she could, this startled Krip & he stood up & reached for his gun in the draw but as he did Sadie jumped up on his desk & wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him close for a long meaningful kiss & Von kissed back while embracing her she than broke the kiss & looked into his eyes for a second though to krip it felt like she was looking into his soul, torturing him with her hypnotic charms. She giggled slightly as she looked at the pistol in his hand & jokingly put her hands up "don't shoot, don't shoot" she said smirking she than kissed him on the cheek & jumped off his desk & headed towards the two tediz waiting outside to take her down to the cells & took one more look at the strange but cute weasel who stood motionless staring back at her, she blew him a kiss than skipped off.

Weeks had passed by & Kriplespac had now completely taken over the town that Sadie had lived in all her life. Every squirrel who lived there were to now obey the orders of Kriplespac, he even replaced the towns local police force with tediz, yes everything was going accordingly to his plan...but he missed Sadie & everyday he thought about that beautiful embrace they had shared, he sat there & wondered what she was doing right now...

Meanwhile Sadie was bored, very very bored she was in a separate lonely cell to the other prisoners which added to the boredom, she was given a tv to watch because of how much she was screaming for some entertainment. She flicked through the channels than stopped at one, the

'COPS' intro started playing "this show is pretty cool" she said to herself remembering how she used to watch it at home.

After the opening credits it reveals a tedie named Barry behind the wheel Sadie seemed confused "oooh no not these guys" she rolls her eyes. He started speaking gibberish to the camera as subtitles were revealed.

"Yeah I have been workin' this job for like..2 days now & I gotta tell you this aint' easy..." He than pulls the car over near two squirrels who were fighting outside a store. Sadie was surprised when she recognized the squirrels who had always ran that store in her town. Barry got out of the car & started yelling his gibberish at them, subtitles were shown on the screen again "ok what the fuck is goin' on here you stupid squirrels needa stop fighting & keep runnin' your stupid ass shop ok? Alotta stupid squirrels gonna get mad if it's not open than we will have a riot on our hands.." Than another tedie dressed in a police uniform parked his car next to the incident & stated trying to speak to the squirrels. "Ok ok what seems to be tha problem?" Barry seemed to be getting pissed at the other tedie & than started to yell at him "why you always gotta come steal my case marvin? I'm gettin' fuckin sick of your shit"

"Oh yea?!"

"Yea! You bitch" Barry than pounced on Marvin & they started fighting, knocking dow the camera & breaking it.

"Pfft what shit!" Sadie said as she turned off the television, she stood up & started to slowly pace around, hoping for some sort of excitement.

Meanwhile Kriplespac was deciding to move his base further across different squirrel filled lands & enslave & murder them all.

"Ja.." He laughed to himself

"Zhey vill all be mine.." He than called his most trusted tedie in, his name was Jeremy..

"Jeremy" Kriplespac said as they saluted each other

"Yes sir?!"

"Get ze rest of ze tediz ready...ve are going to take zis squirrel invested world & make it our own"

"Yes sir!" The tedie began to make his way out of the office but was stopped by Kriplespac for another request.

"Jeremy.."

"Yes sir?"

"Kill all ze prisoners.." Jeremy nodded & began to walk again

"Except..." He stopoed & turned to face his master again

"Except for Sadie The Squirrel she is to be put in my personal tank avaiting my arrival" Jeremy was confused about this unusual request but went along with it anyway

"Yes sir..." With that he left the office, leaving Kriplespac alone with his evil plans.


End file.
